guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
