I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
3 2 1 whiskey
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
