textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
