this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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