so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up under a house in Key West
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