I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
