I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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