god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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