If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
