Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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