Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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