You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
