How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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