Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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