last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
