people are starting to question the shark bite story
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
