Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
