No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
