Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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