SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Enjoy the penises
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
