im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
