what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
