I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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