I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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