worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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