Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
