remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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