You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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