even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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