He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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