I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
