lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
