First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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