I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
