bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
