So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
