So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
