like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
