And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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