i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
