sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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