so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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