I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
