I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this just has baby written all over it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
