You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
