It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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