A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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