Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
