she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sober January is a disaster.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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