its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
