My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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