nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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