he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
