Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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