It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
