Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
