Don't you send me to vm
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
