i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
