You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
