I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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