just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
