Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
