Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
