i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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