It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
