He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
