I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
