i barfeds in our rink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
