All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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