if i can run in heels then i can drive
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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