Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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