dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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